Terrible Punnery

April 14, 2009 at 2:33 AM 6 comments

I (unfortunately sometimes) collect bad puns. Knowing this, an old (maybe soon to be un-) friend sent me the latest list the other day. Please forgive me if you keel over and turn to pertified wood from groaning so much, but here goes:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road…’
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: ‘Does this taste funny to you ?’
7. ‘Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’ ‘That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.’ ‘Is it common ?’ ‘Well, It’s Not Unusual.’
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, ‘I was artificially inseminated this morning.’ ‘I don’t believe you,’ says Dolly. ‘It’s true; no bull!’ exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’ The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!’
13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. ‘But why,’ they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)… A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

My personal favorite was, of course, number 19. What’s yours?

Late joiner? Puns have their own reword… argggh!

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Entry filed under: Thoughts, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Saturday Space… A Point in Time A (Rude?) Quickie

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. AnnaHopn  |  April 15, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    Greatings, Thanks for article. Everytime like to read you.
    AnnaHopn

    Reply
    • 2. Kevin  |  April 18, 2009 at 10:22 AM

      Thanks for reading… Hope you enjoy my future stuff too.

      Reply
  • 3. Saurooon  |  April 15, 2009 at 2:26 AM

    Hello,
    reallidycheck.wordpress.com – da best. Keep it going!

    Have a nice day
    Saurooon

    Reply
    • 4. Kevin  |  April 18, 2009 at 10:24 AM

      Thanks. All I can say is I try.

      Have a great one, too…
      Kevin

      Reply
  • 5. teethmarksonmybreast  |  April 14, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    Kinda liked 6, 19 and 20, but 18 was my favourite – I actually didn’t see it coming!!

    Reply
    • 6. Kevin  |  April 14, 2009 at 11:42 PM

      I’m thinking about doing a poll up here. Might start at ten of them and narrow it down from there. What do you think?

      Reply

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