A (Rude?) Quickie

April 18, 2009 at 10:20 AM 1 comment

I know a wise man (or just some smartass old dude). Depending on who is around to hear it, he’ll call himself either or both. He spends his afternoons lounging on his favorite beat up old chair (like him as he soon tell you if you let him), sipping his whiskey, smoking his two nasty stogies, and running his mouth to anyone who passes by his porch or stops to listen. He’s the classic old guy with a million stories and nobody to listen (at least nobody who hasn’t heard them all before). He has several crusty old sayings that he bases his entire existence on. When I told him I was blogging, he made me promise I’d share some of his “lesser inflammatory remarks” up here. Well, after sorting through (and discussing) about a dozen, what follows are the “nicest” three:

“Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and don’t die.”

Now in its proper perspective, being an old biker idiom I recall from my own youth, this is not as bad as it sounds. But, he’s been married for over fifty of his 76 and her 68 years. When you see the two of them together, its like each is definitely the other’s better part. Whenever she’s not around and the subject comes up, he’ll very quietly tell you that he didn’t really trust her “until she was in her fifties. It was about the time that mental pause kicked in…”

The second: “Life is like a bowl of shit-covered cherries… Sometimes, if you dig deep enough, you’ll eventually find the sweet spot in anything.”

Personally, I think this about his funniest, being the optimistic pessimist I am. After all, one of my favorite expressions sometimes is all about looking at life through shit-splattered rose-colored glasses. But I digress…

His personal favorite lately: “Always treat your woman like you would your vacuum cleaner… If it stops sucking, you change out the old bag.”

Yes, I know its rude, crude and a few other things too. But I feel I must put this one into the proper context here. Ever since he learned about Viagra and Cialis, etc… well enough said… I hope.

Well, I feel a slight need to apologize if I’ve offended you (Yes, just slight…), but I do hope you’ve all enjoyed this quick little glimpse at my neighbor. Let me know what you think, good or bad… Thanks again.

Entry filed under: Thoughts, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , .

Terrible Punnery Am I Wrong?

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Kevin  |  April 18, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    He’s not all bad actually. He is the wise old man I quoted in “Work”. He just didn’t want me repeating myself. (“like he does”). just figured I’d let you all know he just approved this post. have a good one!


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